Again Matt did not have a chemo treatment and it has been 5 weeks since the last one. When this much time passes between treatments you start to get really worried that the "beast", as it is called on a colon cancer forum that I belong to, is growing stronger and bigger at each passing moment!!
Matt had his blood draw this past Tuesday in hopes we could go to treatment on Wed. but his platelets were only 96,000. This Friday he had another blood draw and they have only risen a small amount to 97,000. Because there was a delay in getting the results, our oncologist was already gone for the day so we don't know or not if he still wants us to come on Monday. We have decided to go ahead and go since we are stressing about this whole thing. We have a lot of questions that we want to speak with the oncologist about, including what we are going to do to get this problem under control.
Since I have joined the colon club forum I have learned about several procedures that can prolong life and maybe even get a colon cancer patient with liver tumors to surgery which has a small percentage of a cure. I want to discuss these with the oncologist and ask him why he has never mentioned any of them to us before. I am somewhat afraid about the answer I will get, but I want him to know that we have 8 children and we want to be as aggressive as possible.
Matt and I have been trying to "plan for the worst and hope for the best". It has been really really hard to look at things like our life insurance policies, contacting his company about long term disability, contacting Social Security about SS disability. We have to mark the Social Security application as "terminal" when the time comes to fill it out. These are really difficult words to imagine, much less say aloud and talk about. With such a large family we have to be prepared for the if or when, or Plan B which is an easier way to categorize it.
It is so difficult for me to concentrate at work, here at home, etc. I don't know how Matt does it, going to work everyday and putting this all aside for a while. It seems to crowd my mind 24/7 now. I try hard to think of other things but it seems that lately I am unable to do that. The Colon Club forum is both a blessing and a curse and I seem to be addicted to it. I have learned so many things by reading through the different posts and asking questions. I feel like the people on the forum know just what we are going through and I have my feelings validated when I read about others and what they are feeling and what experiences they are having that match our own. But I also read about many who are on hospice and are ending their colon cancer journey and it scares me so much. In a way I think it is preparing me so I will know what to expect IF or when our journey is over, but it is still heartbreaking and frightening. I hope I am making sense!!
Hopefully after we are able to see Matt's oncologist and get some of our questions and concerns answered I will feel more better. Please continue to pray for us! We love you all very much!
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