Lots of Changes

We have been doing a lot of soul searching and have hopefully come up with a plan that will give us the most time together to create beautiful memories for our family. Matt has gone on full time disability and his last day at work was Wednesday May 8. It was a really difficult day for him that day as all of his co workers gave him a big going away party. He was sad to be leaving such wonderful friends and to be giving up a huge part of himself in the process. He has been the provider for our family for 28 years now and this is not an easy role to give up.

We know though that for Matt to be able to spend quality time with us he needs to be home where he can rest when he needs. Whenever he was at work he put all of his energy into it and then came home and went straight to bed.

Our last visit to the cancer center was not very informative. The tumor markers are staying exactly the same. In the past when the chemo was working to shrink the tumors the tumor markers always went down.

After our 4 days at the cancer center we went over to a new MD Anderson Cancer Center here in AZ to get a second opinion. We liked the doctor we met, but she was brutally honest. She told us that Matt was very lucky to have had the first chemo cocktail work for a year as usually it only works for 4 to 6 months before the cancer outsmarts it and begins to progress. She told us that she would not recommend doing any liver targeted therapies as they can be very painful and will not prolong his life because he has so many tumors in the lungs as well. She said that what we were doing at our cancer center was exactly what she would do.

Even though the news was NOT what we wanted to hear, it did confirm to us that the path we are taking now is the right one for our family. We are comfortable with our oncologist and really like him a lot, so confirming that he is providing Matt the best possible care is a relief. The cancer center we go to is like a second home to us and the oncologist makes us feel that he really cares about Matt and I.

Good news for our family is that we are going on another memory making vacation!! We are flying away from it all to St. John's US Virgin Island!!! We are spending a week in a beautiful vacation home overlooking the ocean. We will rest, relax, snorkel, hike, and forget about cancer. I am so excited! It has been very stressful over the past few weeks. Making these life decisions has been so very difficult.....it has made our situation much more real.

Our Heavenly Father has blessed us so much and he sends us miracles each day if we will only look for them. I received one today at church.

There is a young woman who is a daughter in law to a woman in our church. She is from out of town so visits rarely, but whenever she is here she ALWAYS touches me and is the answer to my prayers. The last time she was in town we were in a woman's class discussing the spirit world, or the place we all go after we die. We were asked to write down a question that we would like to have answered in the lesson. I wrote that I wanted to know if it was real, if Matt would be able to let me know that he was there and watching out for us. Well this beautiful young woman, without knowing what my question was, told of how her mother had passed away from cancer a few years ago and how she and her children and siblings have had numerous experiences where they could feel their mother's presence. How they always seemed to feel her near when they needed her the most. This literal answer to my question was so incredibly beautiful to me. I felt peace and gratitude for a loving Heavenly Father who knew that I needed that right at that moment.

Today this same young woman was visiting again and she again spoke of her mother and how she and her sisters made a video diary of her mother and how much it has meant to her, her siblings, and their children; and how this video would be passed down to each generation and they would all know her mother. I got chills as she talked about it and knew that that is exactly what I want for my children and grandchildren. I came home and talked to Logan about it and he agreed to be in charge of this very special project.

The next time I post it will be with pictures of trip!!! Bon Voyage!!