Beautiful Memories - Beautiful Wedding!

Brittani and Josh were sealed in the Mesa, AZ temple on Aug. 11.....one of the hottest days of the year! It was 115 degrees when we came out of the temple at 4:00! But even so, it was a magical day full of beautiful memories that will last forever!

After the sealing we went to the Shenandoah Mill for the ring ceremony and reception. It was beautifully decorated and we didn't have to do a thing! Yea! :)

Brittani's dress was amazing and we were so blessed to have lots of family and friends in attendance. I just felt bad that I was unable to speak with everyone.

It was such a special night. Brittani and Josh danced to their song which is "Heart of Life" by John Mayer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS8NvoMudy8 This song is so significant because Josh came into Brittani's life when she needed him most and his love has turned her pain around.

After their dance Josh danced with his mother to "I Hope You Dance" and then Matt stood on a chair - the sound system was the absolute worst ever! and announced that he would be dancing a dance with each of his daughters and that he did NOT want to be out on the dance floor with people watching him for 4 full dances! He invited everyone to join him and it was the most incredible thing to see; all these dads took their daughters onto the dance floor and danced with Matt and each of our daughters. It was truly truly beautiful! Matt picked out each song for each daughter and we had a good friend of Brittani's video the whole thing for us. Now each of our daughters will have a memory of having that special dad/daughter dance. Brittani's song was "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw
Bethany's song was "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle
Helen's song was "Butterfly Fly Away" by Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus
Gabriela's song was "I Loved Her First" by Heartland

Each of my children danced with each other and with me and their dad and everyone was so happy and loving, it was just like a Hollywood movie! LOL! Made me wish (almost!) that we could have a wedding once a week!

There were so many people who made the night special, especially Melissa LaRose who not only made the most beautiful wedding dress ever!, but who also helped us plan the entire event, decorated for us as well as catered ALL the food! She is just amazing and one of the most genuinely kind people I have ever met.

Kurt Andersen and his wonderful partners took video of the entire day for us for nothing more than gas to come here from Utah and a cheap hotel room! To me the wedding was of course the MOST important part, but second to that was the video. This video will become a very treasured possession by each one of our family members.

Brittani's bishop, Bishop Arnett performed the ring ceremony and his words were perfect! He asked Brittani and Josh to write down the three things that they love most about each other and then he read those aloud. I know I keep using the word "beautiful", but that word just fits when describing everything that happened that day.

Josh's friend Ian Shell was the DJ and MC for the night and he was so patient with me and with the stinking sound system. I owe him a HUGE debt! :)

We still have the open house here in Thatcher on Sept. 1. We are excited to show off the happy couple with all of our friends here.

Unfortunately Matt had to get back to reality the Monday after the wedding. He had taken an extra week off from chemo so he was feeling pretty good during the wedding, but now he has been sick all week and weekend.

At his last dr. appointment on Monday morning we found that Matt's tumor markers have doubled and so we are starting to get concerned. The oncologist wants Matt to change out one his chemo drugs. It is a drug that causes the patient to break out in a very very bad rash that looks like bad teenage acne! Matt is not too excited about the idea of having acne AGAIN but we pray that it will help to keep the cancer tumors under some control.

This has been an emotional weekend for all of us. Matt has been feeling very fatigued and very sick. On Saturday morning Rodrigo and I were moving our old stove into the garage in hopes of selling it, when it fell off the hand truck (dolly) and the glass from broke. That was just the push I needed to completely lose it and I took the hand truck and used it to beat the stove to death while screaming and crying. I scared my dad and sons but in all honesty the release of all those pent up emotions felt good. My dad was so worried he sat down and tried to fix the stove even though I kept telling him that it was ok, I was just going to throw it out.

I spoke with my children later in the day and explained to them that I wasn't upset about the stove or anything that they did, I was upset about dad and that everyone shows their emotions in different ways and that sometimes you have to yell and scream a little because it all gets bottled up inside of you. Then I had Gabriela ask some really hard questions. She asked if her dad was going to die for sure. Helen had asked me this very question two weeks ago. I was honest with her and told her that yes her dad was going to die from this cancer sometime because the chemotherapy will stop working and then there will be nothing we can do. She asked me if this was a fact and I had to tell her yes that it was, unless a cure for cancer is found before that time. Her next question was the same as Helen's second question, "when?". The answer is we don't know, 6 months from now or a few years from now, we just don't know. Then came another difficult question, "will you get remarried?" WOW what to say to that one! I told her that I have been with her dad for a big portion of my life and that I love being married and having a companion and that I think life would be very difficult alone but that I just didn't have an answer for her. This took her into questions about who would I be with in Heaven if I married another man. She really thinks things through and asks the tough questions, always has. I told her that I would be with her dad. So sad to think that my children have to have these pressing thoughts going on in their heads instead of thinking about what they will wear to school tomorrow or what this or that boy thinks of them!

Life is hard and as Josh and Brittani's song points out, "pain throws your heart to the ground,love turns the whole thing around, you know it won't all go the way it should, but I know that the heart of life is good." Our life has been good and continues to be good. We are making memories and loving each other the best we can. This journey has brought us to so many wonderful people and so many precious moments that are teaching us to hopefully be better than we were before.

Thank you all for being there for us!